20's
Here sprung June out of the abyss that we call time. Not that we pay much attention to time, only by the glance of my watch or looking at my phone running to the next meeting. I guess all I really measure my time is by weekends and the memories that ensure from that weekend. I write when I no longer have the strength or effort to consolidate each of the pain points in my current state, hence I write words in cadenced lines hoping that they melodically come together in a way that breathes the way I do.
There have been many swings in the past few months. Some things that I take ownership of, but others that were just a part of life's mood swings. But, here I am. In the past two months, I have told someone that I loved them, I lost a job, I got a new job, got to commemorate the 1 year anniversary of my grandma, grandpa, and cousin passing. I got to go to Cabo for the first time with my partner. I got to fall more deeply for my partner and learn more about it. I was able to be there for my sister through her messy and scary bits. I got to show my sister Tahoe for the first time in her life. I got to sign up to become a yoga teacher in training.
There have been many shifts as of late some that I have managed with grace and others as I was tripping and falling all over myself. That is the gracefulness in me, I guess?
I feel as if I have a grasp on my goals, my fears, my life, my needs, and what I am most looking forward to. I do believe that some things are meant to end.. not necessarily in the heartbreak of devastation, endless tears, locking yourself in your room for a week sort of thing, but, more so, an acknowledgment that we are all looking for the best in each other. And as I have rummaged through my current relationship... showed my best, showed some of my worst, but, most importantly, showed my best...... I sincerely think that it all comes out to the truth- as positive or as negative as the ending may be.
All endings can be torturous. Things end in uncomfortable ways. That's why I solemnly believe that life is about takeoffs and landings.. and all you can hope is that your special someone, your group of friends, your family, are off to the same destination. I have quickly come to learn when I moved out of Ohio at the age of 17, my takeoffs and landings could never be solidly planned. I then decided to stay in Atlanta for another year, then threw my hands up in the air and moved to the Bay Area almost 5 years ago, and I have never left, nor am I ready to quite this second, though there is a little itch for me to move closer to the east coast, closer to my family, my oldest of friends, and a different lifestyle.
But when I feel Karl roll into my San Francisco apartment, covering everything in his path, all I can do is feel fucking lucky. "Mom and Dad, I made it!" I know you never thought I would or could.. you always thought I was the most unruly, disobedient, disrespectful child to ever exist. All you wanted was for me to be expunged from your life, but here I am, all the way across the country, and I am really happy here. This city is something of its own.
As I near the ripe age of 28, I start thinking about the wonderful experiences of individuality, freedom, and choice. This is the time to explore, meet people you fall for in moments, cry over missed happenings, but, most of all, be able to look at yourself at the end of the day in the mirror after you shower, and smile.
That's what the 20's are for. The breakups, mess ups, job rewards, promotions, partnerships, discovering amazing restaurants, picking your favorite spirit to drink (gin and tonic all the way), and being comfortable and loved in the moments alone.
Those are the moments you'll never be able to get back.. the moments alone.. the moments where you get to dance to (the old) Taylor Swift while holding a cooking spoon in your hand as a microphone.
THESE are the moments of the 20s.
There have been many swings in the past few months. Some things that I take ownership of, but others that were just a part of life's mood swings. But, here I am. In the past two months, I have told someone that I loved them, I lost a job, I got a new job, got to commemorate the 1 year anniversary of my grandma, grandpa, and cousin passing. I got to go to Cabo for the first time with my partner. I got to fall more deeply for my partner and learn more about it. I was able to be there for my sister through her messy and scary bits. I got to show my sister Tahoe for the first time in her life. I got to sign up to become a yoga teacher in training.
There have been many shifts as of late some that I have managed with grace and others as I was tripping and falling all over myself. That is the gracefulness in me, I guess?
I feel as if I have a grasp on my goals, my fears, my life, my needs, and what I am most looking forward to. I do believe that some things are meant to end.. not necessarily in the heartbreak of devastation, endless tears, locking yourself in your room for a week sort of thing, but, more so, an acknowledgment that we are all looking for the best in each other. And as I have rummaged through my current relationship... showed my best, showed some of my worst, but, most importantly, showed my best...... I sincerely think that it all comes out to the truth- as positive or as negative as the ending may be.
All endings can be torturous. Things end in uncomfortable ways. That's why I solemnly believe that life is about takeoffs and landings.. and all you can hope is that your special someone, your group of friends, your family, are off to the same destination. I have quickly come to learn when I moved out of Ohio at the age of 17, my takeoffs and landings could never be solidly planned. I then decided to stay in Atlanta for another year, then threw my hands up in the air and moved to the Bay Area almost 5 years ago, and I have never left, nor am I ready to quite this second, though there is a little itch for me to move closer to the east coast, closer to my family, my oldest of friends, and a different lifestyle.
But when I feel Karl roll into my San Francisco apartment, covering everything in his path, all I can do is feel fucking lucky. "Mom and Dad, I made it!" I know you never thought I would or could.. you always thought I was the most unruly, disobedient, disrespectful child to ever exist. All you wanted was for me to be expunged from your life, but here I am, all the way across the country, and I am really happy here. This city is something of its own.
As I near the ripe age of 28, I start thinking about the wonderful experiences of individuality, freedom, and choice. This is the time to explore, meet people you fall for in moments, cry over missed happenings, but, most of all, be able to look at yourself at the end of the day in the mirror after you shower, and smile.
That's what the 20's are for. The breakups, mess ups, job rewards, promotions, partnerships, discovering amazing restaurants, picking your favorite spirit to drink (gin and tonic all the way), and being comfortable and loved in the moments alone.
Those are the moments you'll never be able to get back.. the moments alone.. the moments where you get to dance to (the old) Taylor Swift while holding a cooking spoon in your hand as a microphone.
THESE are the moments of the 20s.
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