-
Time and distance have always saturated our relationship. Time zones, miles, and wifi have been at the forefront of all that we are and possibly what could have been. Of course, a girl can dream, a girl can imagine, a girl can question the what-ifs.

What began as "ugh, Bori, be cool, don't fuck this up" turned out to be quite a wonderful friendship. I feel grateful to have such an open mind that has been shaped through numerous  experiences, times, and the different people I have encountered.

I look forward to encountering many more, experiencing much more, though I do not anticipate more heartbreak. But one really does not have control over that. One, honestly, doesn't have control over much. I honestly can't believe that it's been almost two years since I had to let go of someone that I did not want to let go. It all seems like a blur as of now and I am happy to say that I have come to the point where I am ready for my next best thing. I have learned so much about myself that I know I never would have learned unless things did not occur the way that they have.

Then through a series of moments, I met someone who intrigued me. Alas, I also had to let him go as well for he had adventures and experiences that he needed to claim his own. I guess I secretly hope that in a whirlwind we will collide again and become what we were meant to be if we had the time to do so. And, if not, then it is what it is and I wouldn't take it back, I guess.

My heart's ready to be vulnerable again (at least I tell myself this). But what better time than the present? I know I won't learn if I don't put myself out there. I know I won't learn if I don't take the risks I need to take.

Cheers.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I go back there often

-
 How lucky am I to be loved by you? We met in the balmy summer of 2012. I turned 21 that summer- the summer I met you and I knew my life would never be the same. I was a keen young woman, looking for adventure in Madrid, knowing that I had to go to Paris to study for a bit. My friend recommended that I reach out to you as I knew no one in Madrid besides the person's couch I was crashing on and the front desk worker of the hostels I would switch in and out of.  I remember walking down the halls of the Prado and Reina Sofia together. I distinctly remember the look in your eyes as you explained some of your favorite paintings. I remember the tamber of your voice. And all I yearned for was time with you. And I got time. I got those few weeks that summer of 2012 in Madrid with you.  When I left you at the end of that balmy summer, there was turmoil within me. Leaving you felt like I had to leave a part of something bigger behind, a part that I didn't quite seem to know, but fe...
Read more

I miss you.

-
 I smoked a cigarette and I thought of you.  I remember the person I am when I am with you.  I remember how I feel when I drink wine with you.  I remember the smell of the air when I walk with you.  You are my most beautiful memory.  You are the one of the proudest parts of who I am.  I love you, Madrid. 
Read more

Shifts

-
  commitment (n.) 1610s, "action of officially consigning to the custody of the state," from  commit  +  -ment . (Anglo-French had  commettement. ) Meaning "the pledging or engaging of oneself, a pledge, a promise" is attested from 1793; hence, "an obligation, an engagement" (1864). As the weather shifts maybe life shifts with it. Maybe emotions and promises shift with the change of weather. My life has shifted over the past week to undo the promise of commitment that we shared. It was honest, realistic, rational, and relatable. Knowing the odds were against us, we made a decision and undo a promise.  Love exists here. It always has. It always will.  But reframing this love has been arduous on the heart, arduous for my mind. But I understand it fully as time continued the distance grew further. So I ask myself, how do I exist in this world with this big love and how do I carry it? How do I carry it without breaking? How do I make it less heavy?...
Read more