A January Evening

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I held my breath. A burst ran through my body. My mind rewinded to 7 years ago when I held his heart and my hands and mine, his. 

Beginnings are truly so beautiful. They are beautiful because they are naive, excited, invincible. I remember our beginning all too well. How we accidentally fell in love. How we promised to nurture that love. How love was not enough. 

There you stood just one foot away from me. The height of 5'10'' that stood over me, that looked at me, and saw deeply through me. I knew we didn't need to say a word. The words were already being spoken through the looks we gave each other. We hadn't seen in each other in years and I stood there, breathing in seconds of our youth. I didn't know how to say what I wanted to say in the jacket that he bought when I was with him.

You may fall out of love with someone, but you will always love significant loves in your life. The ones that gave you everything you needed at that time. The ones that helped you see things a bit more clearly. The ones that rocked you to sleep on nights you couldn't be alone. The ones that made you feel gorgeous. The ones that understood your curves the way they deserved. The one that took everything away. 

There he stood just one foot away from me, the one that gave me everything and the one that took everything away. The one that helped me see across the corners of sadness. The one that helped me celebrate my flaws. The one that let me go because it was the right thing to do. The one that let me become and be independent. The one that I knew would always root for me. The one who loved me enough to let me go. 

I know you are not my last love, but what a love you were. What a love we were. We ruled the world together and I fell in love with the world with you. And seeing you tonight inches from my face, sharing the same air, sharing the same light above us, were snippets of the past glittering in my mind. Our history is never lost. The months we did long distance and traveled across the country just because we missed each other. The day I accepted a job in California. The day I moved. The day we celebrated. The day we skied together for the first time. The days we would lay in bed and do nothing. The days towards the end when we were both so defeated. 

I think that was a sad day for both of us. We lost our best friends. We felt each other's hurt. We had no idea what was next. We healed in different ways and I hope your story makes you just as proud as my story makes me. Though the lonely,  devastating nights are ones I will never forget, us growing in love with each other and ourselves are the ones to truly remember. 

Though I have not missed you in many years, seeing your face lit up a piece of me that had limited its existence. But it was a familiar feeling. Though our salutation was short, we said all we had needed to say. It makes me so happy to see you so happy. I always wanted the best for you, living life with no fear, traveling more, saying "yes" more. I hope that this journey carries on forever for you. We were always each other's number one fan. I know we'll always root for each other. 

I know we'll always remember our story. The one we wrote together at the beginning then slowly diverged into two. Maybe one day we will be able to share these stories, but today was all I needed to know. 

And maybe if we run into each other again in a few years, we'll remember that story all over again. 
'

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