Have Heart.

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i don't think I have the capacity to be in a relationship with someone. Here are some reasons why..

1. liking someone makes me fucking insane. Other than the fact that I think I am driving the other person insane, i am driving myself insane.
2. I feel uncomfortable. You know the feeling when you eat like 2 pizzas all by yourself then just lard out so hard on your bed? ( wait really? you don't know this feeling?) well, that's how it makes me feel.
3. do the benefits outweigh the costs? at this point this is going to be a hell no.
4. Reasons 1-3.

I know that I am not a normal person, hence, things will NOT go normally for me. I know what I like.. i know what I don't like.. though i am secretly hoping that someone comes around that will change my mind, shake me with so much love and gentleness.

My friend put it in such a good way. She told me, "people always say to 'show your best self' when in reality when you're in a position like that, you're usually anxious, which causes you to over communicate. Is this really your true self?"
This caught me off guard because, obviously this is not my best self. I am usually not that person.. I am fun, bubbly, sweet, and always laughing.

I always know that I am constantly learning and growing and that there is much more of those two things to be had. Am I excited for that particular journey?... can't wait I'm ecstatic about it, but I know that it's a necessary journey to have.

So until then, I'll continue crying over stupid love songs, eating ice cream to rom coms, and hoping for the best while expecting the worst.

Dating is hard, but i guess the best ones take the most heart. Have heart. 

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